Parenting thoughts

Here are some thoughts on parenting.

Every parent has to reserve within their heart a little corner where they are indifferently, if not coldly, objective toward their children. This is where they can retreat when their affection for their child threatens to override their wisdom for what is best for their child.

In most cases a young child will win a battle of emotions - their emotions are undimmed by the years of shepherding that most adults have experienced, they are more willing to pour all of their energy into the battle, and they are not deterred by empathy for their opponent. The key to winning a battle of emotions is to not show up for the fight, and to instead compel the child to interrelate on the parent's terms.

It is a joy that children push limits. They are naturally drawn to exercise each new faculty that they gain, so when they push limits they show that they are growing. In addition, they will push only when they are in an otherwise secure environment - many is the child that was "perfect" for the babysitter and then fell to pieces when the parents returned home. Let us take joy in the fact that our growing children feel secure enough to test out the limits in our presence. Our job is not to condemn them for pushing limits, but to determine where they should meet up with an earthen bank that may be climbed and where they should meet up with a tall stone wall that may not.

A child's brain is the most amazing pattern recognition machine in the world.

Children are deceptive. When born, they appear to be little more than some type of helpless pet. Later, they learn and grow, but they are still easy to overrule, easy to physically move, easy to segregate. It is tempting to forget that their spirits are fully present at birth, and that they are true spiritual persons in the same way that any adult is. Because of this, they need to be treated like people and not merely directed to go here and do this and don't do this. They need to be treated like people, and not like clever furniture.

Children need interaction. They require response. They need to know that what they do matters, and that they can affect the world around them. A child will flower when given the great treasure of an adult that will listen to everything they have to say and answer all of their questions.

It is not defeat to admit weakness to a child. It will not utterly devastate a child to learn that their parents have doubts and struggles and don't know everything. It is not failure but victory when you confess to your child that you made a mistake and ask for their forgiveness.

My main advice to fathers: open yourself up to joy. Allow yourself to feel the wonder of being a father.