Jogging and not jogging

Today is pretty. 60 degrees at 6:30am, with bright sun. Heavy dew. Is this really August?

During this morning's run (which sounds so much better than "gasping walk-jog thing"), I was thinking about the first time in my life that I tried to run for exercise. My brother had a book called Aerobics, which I think was the classic 1968 book by Kenneth Cooper. My brother had the book because he was interested in running; he eventually ran track in high school. I had already been overweight for a while, so I was probably about 12. Anyway, I took the test in the book, and I started jogging per the book's instructions. I took my bike and, using the odometer, I mapped out a course that I thought was about a mile. Now, using the Gmaps Pedometer, I can tell that it was more like three-quarters of a mile. I remember that I got to the point where I was running that distance in six and a half minutes, which is pretty good.

Then came the day that I got scared off from jogging.

I don't remember the incident too well. I just remember that toward the end of the day's run a girl from my school ran out at me and yelled at me. I don't remember her name, or what she looked like (other than a lot of tall black hair). I don't remember what she yelled. I just have this vague memory of being startled by having her run at me, and of being ridiculed that I (fat I) was bothering to exercise. Like it was ridiculous to think that I could change from what I was - which to her seemed to be "just the fat kid."

I never went jogging after that. I guess, really, this is the first time I'm trying to jog since then. I was afraid of being ridiculed. I was ashamed of being fat, and believed that everyone despised me for being fat. Anything that brought that feeling out into the open was to be avoided at any cost, and so I gave up the one thing that I was doing that could reverse the situation.

How would things have been different if I had been able to ignore her? Or if I had someone encourage me to continue? Or if I had given my parents a truthful instead of a mumbled answer when they asked me why I stopped? Or if I had known the Lord well enough to get help from Him?

Father, I choose to forgive - this girl, those around me, myself for giving in and giving up.

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2.5 - 30 - 5

Wow, am I glad that I started timing my workouts! What an improvement! This is 9% better than I did on Tuesday! This is encouraging. To celebrate, I took an extended cool down over to the park near the creek, which is a pretty place to stretch. Then I ended up cleaning up some of the trash left in the park. :(